Politically Not right

I have a severe disability. OK, I probably have many disabilities but today I want to expose one of them. I’m politically challenged. In the old days they’d call it politically stupid. I don’t get the idea of politics. Politics is reportedly relating to “I do something for you so you’ll do something for me in return”. Maybe it’s “Do unto others so that they’ll do unto you”. I’ve had it explained to me many times but I fail to internalize it and forget how it works.

Let me try to reason this out. I’ve had issues at work all of my life. If my boss makes a decision that’s not in line with what we’re trying to achieve, I tell the boss he’s wrong. I always do what I’m told, but my opinion is well known if I disagree. When my vocalizations are not appreciated, I’m truly amazed. When someone that pretends to always agree with the boss gets promoted over me, I’m shocked. The only answer for my surprise at getting passed over is political ineptness from being politically challenged.

So here we are in a small town. I would have been run out of town on a rail some time ago if not for my political caregiver, which is also my wife. She has developed a clever code to let me know when I’m on political thin ice. She says, “Charlie, shut up”. I take that cue and even though I don’t understand why I need to shut up, I comply.

Let’s say I live on a main street and the speed limit is 30 mph. Let’s say a car is doing around 50 on the main street whereupon I live. My inclination is to remind the driver of said car by yelling, “Slow down!” In my mind I’m reminding a dear friend or relative that the speed limit is 30. In my mind I’m providing a valuable service. I’ve been told that the subject of my reminder might take offense and tend to block my achieving something, like getting a pizza delivered or my candidate elected. When I commit the faux pas, my wife will give me a cue and I’ll stop.

I get into trouble when my wife isn’t around. I cringe when I have to go to a meeting of some sort. I find it’s best for me to keep quiet because I can’t discern what is acceptable and what is not. I’ve frequently pointed out what would be the moral course of action but I’m surprised when I’m not congratulated for my insight. I believe that I’m only keeping the organization from doing a wrong thing, but I guess I’m stepping on political toes. I’ve even been threatened with banishment and bodily harm. The threats are completely unexpected. Perhaps if the persons offended by my observations knew I have a disability they would be more tolerant.

I think we need an international symbol to denote people with my disability. Maybe we could all wear a bracelet with a big question mark on it. Maybe a t-shirt with a big “I don’t get it” would be a good cue. A telethon to provide special equipment, like muzzles, for people like me may be in order. The guy that hosted “Politically Incorrect” may want to host “Caring for the Politically Inept”. We also need an acronym for political ineptness. Then I could explain it all by simply saying, “Excuse me, I have PI”.